it seems i never knew you. all the promises were lies. every single one of them. and yeah, thinking about it now, it sure stings, when i read all the little notes here and there. but, seeing you the way you are now... so heartless. just when things were going well and you can even give me gifts with claims of the future together HOURS before calling it off. it really shows what kind of person you are. are you trying to take me on a ride? how cruel can you be.

ah... the betrayal.

***

so you took another path that apparently made all the difference. in my opinion, this was not a road less travelled. it is the road everybody takes-just end the affair as soon as possible, without waiting for something to change along the way. the road less travelled, in my opinion, is the one where you're willing to suffer and go through hardships, and emerge, hopefully, victorious at the end. the road less travelled is called such as not many people are willing to take the risk and go through with it, and see what the outcome is. i mean yeah.. who doesn't want the easy way out. the longer path would definitely be filled with a whole truckload of different things, things that perhaps would change the way you feel.

there is no knowing what lies at the end of the apparently long path.

not that you'll ever find out anyway. since you just jumped ship. you took the easy way out.

so yeah. here's the response to your post. the long path, albeit longer and possibly more scary, you just never know. and honestly, seven months... is hardly significant for you to consider as at some point of time compared to all that shit you've promised me.

the long path would have been hard, it will never be easy too. but at least you get the bloody satisfaction of sitting through and finding out for real where it all stands at the end.

i should have just left when i was faced with this dilemma like erm.. lets see... ive lost track of how many times i've thought about it? oh wait. you reassured me erm... lets see.. ive ALSO lost track of how many times you told me you will be around, until i forgot about the dilemma altogether. and also because i felt you were worth being with even though i felt the incompatibility so many times (yet again, i've lost track how many times) because i felt there was hope that one day, the differences will just fade away after adjusting.

how long did it take for me to get adjusted talking to you? two months plus. how long did it take for me to get used to the way you talk to me? 6 months plus.

remind me again how long were we together? 7 months. 6 out of 7 months was used to adapting. thats like... 90% of the time i was with you before i can finally say i am SORT-OF used to it.

and yeah. you just left. just like that.

........sigh. how many times has the word hope screwed me up.

***

indeed, it is all for the better. and i harbour such resentment at this present moment towards you not because you apparently 'will never love me enough, the way i want to be loved.' you are just downright irresponsible and careless with people's feelings. you are unsure about what you wanted from day one. bloody hell, if you were unsure about how this whole thing will turn out in the end, don't bloody tell me that you were going to be around no matter what happens. perhaps i wouldnt resent you so much if you hadn't reassured me so many fucking times that you were here to stay.

i take blame for initiating the whole thing. but i blame you for leading me to believe that this was going to be for a long time.

i feel my outright dislike for you, if not anger and despise, is justified.

***

annual ball this year will be damn interesting. perhaps even more interesting than last years.