My trip to the hospital, and my Grandfathers death

I just came back from my bi-annual checkup with my cardiologist (who is also my uncle twice-removed, which is bad cause whenever my dad sees his dad at weddings, they'll start talking about me "=.=).

I still have my "floppy valve". For those of you going 'huh?', let me explain.

In Form 5 I started having these fainting spells. First I would see all white and nothing else, and start swaying, and wouldn't be able to keep my balance and stuff. I had the same problem before when I was younger, but I always had them when I was sitting down, so they passed after a while, and so I didn't tell anyone. Infact once, at my uncles funeral my mom was scolding me cause I was swaying next to her in the church pew.

So anyway, suddenly in the middle of my Tennis game, I suddenly...well...couldn't stand up. So my mom and my coach half-carried, half-dragged me to the car and I was rushed to hospital.

After some gruelling tests, during which I couldn't complain at all the jabbing being done because I didn't even have the energy to speak, my doctor told me I had preliminary signs of Marfans Syndrom (you Liverpool fans may have heard of it, because Peter Crouch has it as well) coupled with hypoglycemia.

Those of you who watch Greys Anatomy may find it familiar as well. When Dr.Burke and Dr.Yang went on their date to the restaurant, the person who collapsed had Marfans Syndrome.

Anyway, some of the signs were the shape of my chest, the length of my fingers, slight heart murmur, slightly irregular heartbeat (which is almost gone now), flat feet, strechmarks, stooped shoulders and short-sightedness.

So, my mitral valve is a bit floppy and so does not close properly, hence there is backflow of blood.

There is no cure. 1 in 5000 have it.

The risk is that my aorta will keep enlarging overtime due to the backflow and finally one day, without a warning, burst.

So theres nothing to worry about =p

Anyway, I had forgotten just how AGGRAVATING all the tests are. My echocardiogram was SOOOOO grrr. He kept PRESSING SOOO HARD INTO MY RIBS!!!!

But he was sooo nice la. I mean...I've never had a nicer person-who-does-stuff-for-me before! He PUT OFF THE CENTRAL AIRCONDITIONING just because I felt a bit cold, and then everytime I moved slightly he would ask me in a worried voice if I was okay, and if it hurt or not.

And he told me every 2 minutes not to be scared...I wasn't but I began wondering if there was a REASON he kept telling me that. But I got to see my heart through the camera so it was quite cool la.

But I hate the gel they use for all the tests. So disgusting.

Anyway, in these 2 years the chambers and aorta have not increased in size, so my next torture will be in 2009.

Only one or two of my school friends know about it, and only a few outside school, because, well, in Form Five I had fight with a lot of people who mattered to me, and I only told people who were close to me about it.

But I didn't need people to 'help me through it' anyway, because I didn't feel worried. What happens will happen la, but I just didn't want to be in pain.

One of my wishes is that when I die, I'll die a painless death, and I don't want to be lonely.



IN 2005, WHEN I WAS IN FORM 5, my grandad passed away. He was complaining of severe chest pains - the pain was so bad that he sometimes just grasped the table till his knuckles went white. Finally my mom forced him into the car and whisked him away to the hospital.

I was with my grandfather when he died. I was standing in his room, and my mom was just outside asking the nurse something. I felt like crying because when we were finally allowed inside the ICU my grandfather said : Oh your here?! I thought you would have gone home!

I mean, I felt so bad that he had gone through those 3 hours thinking he was alone when I was watching the whole time. Also,

Him : *looks around at the room* This must be costing you alot dear
My Mom : *nods and smiles* yes, it is.
Me : ....WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING!?


Anyway,

I was standing next to him, staring at all the tubes, and then I said 'Appappa, please don't keep taking off your oxygen mask?' (because before this he was complaining that it made him uncomfortable).

Him : *nods*

And then, he closed his eyes, and clasped his hands. And then suddenly, his hands started moving up and down like a robot. It was in that perfect timing like in those movies when you see a malfunctioning robot. I didn't know if he was praying or not, but then I saw that his eyes had opened and was staring unseeing at the ceiling.

I screamed for the nurse, and my voice reverberated throughout the ward. Suddenly I was being pushed out of the way, and swarms and swarms of nurses were filling the room. Some woman was screaming code blue for everyone to hear through a microphone. My mom was grasping my grandads hand and shouting into his ear, telling him that my uncle (in Australia) was getting onto his plane, and was coming.

I don't want to feel the same pain before death. Its my only fear (other than being lost out at sea).

But, God has a plan right? He's kept me safe so far, and so I'm thankful to Him, and hopeful for the future.